i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
