and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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