I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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