So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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