I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
