If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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