theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
