guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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