Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
