Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
