I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
