his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got inside last night via doggy door
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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