forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
