youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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