Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
