Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You don't make any sense
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