Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
