After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you inspire me to be a worse person
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
