nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
