went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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