Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
