i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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