and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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