As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
