So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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