I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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