Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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