It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
