Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
