The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
