you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
