You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
