***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
