WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
