SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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