we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
