Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
