i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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