highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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