I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
