First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
