I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
