Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
