the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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