I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
