I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
