But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
