my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
