i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
