Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
