so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
