If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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